in honor of tiny, little baby Jesus sleeping in the animal food bowl, i thought i’d create a list dedicated to what He’s taught me this year– homeskillet style.
1. my ways are not his ways, yo.
i’ve learned i do not naturally love like Christ, think like Christ, act like Christ. i wish i did, but i don’t. i mess up so much just because i over think, i don’t listen, or i get scared. super glad this year i finally accepted my limitations and asked for guidance. i’m totally still a super big mess. i will be until the day i die, but i pray when that day comes my nature looks more like tiny baby Jesus.
2. love means i say i’m sorry, word.
remember the movie with ryan o’neal and ali mcgraw called “love story”?? there’s this classic scene where o’neal’s character has royally screwed up, and ali, with her perfect ’70’s hair, says, “love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
what is THAT all about??? seriously. that’s alllllllllllllllll love is about.
it’s about putting the other person first, and i can’t speak for anyone else, but that’s NOT how i roll most of the time. i can be selfish, pushy, impatient, critical, and downright mean.
what would my marriage look like, how would my boys feel, how many true friendships would i have, if i NEVER said i was sorry for not loving well???
i pray i own my mistakes and tell the ‘skillets i love “I’M SORRY”– because those are some powerful words.
3. obedience is scary, fo’ realz.
last night i met with a new ‘skillet, and as we began to share our stories, we kept coming back to the same thought– we don’t want to miss what God wants to do with us, through us, for us. we looked at each other all excited and said, “we just don’t want to miss it!”
how do we do that? i think it’s a moment to moment decision to seek God’s will. now, that’s a tall order. just thinking about how many times i haven’t lived that way makes me wonder how many times i’ll fail in the future. dude. that thought alone can paralyze me. obedience, all the time, forever and ever, is a scary proposition. but, here’s the thing, i don’t have to eat the elephant all at once. i just have to be willing to seek God, be willing to wait for a clear direction, and then be brave enough to move my feet. i pray i have a lifetime of “don’t miss it” moments.
this one shakes me down. my knees get all weak, and i feel light-headed. my boys and my husband are IT.
i am not equipped, there’s no clear checklist, and if i fail THEY will suffer.
i clearly need help, encouragement– and, from time to time, a couple of cupcakes to make this reality go down a little easier.
i’m sooooooooooooooooooooo thankful God has given me an army of women to help me battle my own insecurities and fears when it comes to how i be these things called “wife” and “mother”. God started putting my army together as early as elementary school. He added forces through high school, college, and through my time in memphis i gained wonderful sisters for life and, now, in the ‘boro i am finding awesome ‘skillets to share my story.
each and every woman makes me better. each word of advice helps my children and my fella. each word of love helps me to stop the critical voice inside my head– and, each cupcake keeps my sugar level just high enough to make it through the day.
5. God loves me deeply, dude.
i have felt this more and more as this year has passed. i’m grateful to feel down to my bones that there is nothing i can do to drive God away.
i can not look like Him, and He loves me anyway. i can take too long to say, “I’M SORRY” and he loves me anyway. i can be disobedient or just miss His direction completely, and He loves me anyway. i can feel inadequate and not enough for my boys and my guy, and He loves me anyway.
He loves me so much He sent His only son to die for me.
seriously. baby Jesus ROCKS y’all.