so. i ran this morning. for myself. for the pure joy of running.
it. was. AWESOME.
it was cold, and damp, and windy. but, i didn’t care. i kept going.
it was tough, and my breathing was choppy, and my lungs were burning. but, i didn’t care. i kept going.
i muscled out the first 2 miles and finally settled into a good rhythm. i coasted through mile 3 and 4, finally feeling tired around mile 5 — that’s when i started asking for help, that’s when i was ready to listen, that’s when i was open to a conversation.
dear Lord,
i need to see you. i need to see beyond myself. i want to understand how small i am. i’m ready to hear you. i’m ready to admit my way leaves me spent.
and, God gave me a picture.
He answered me in a way He knew He’d be heard and seen.
i’ve run the path i took today many times– there’s a certain spot on the trail i’ve never liked. it’s open– wide open. there’s a grassy hill on one side and a stream on the other– and lots, and lots of sky. wide open. when it’s hot– it’s hottest here. when it’s cold– it’s coldest here. there’s nothing to shield me from the elements. i feel the rain, the wind, the sun in this stretch of the path. i feel really alone. alone and exposed.
but, right after this spot there are shade trees on both sides of the trail. i run through the vastness right into the relief created by the tree line. i am buffered by the strength of the trees, refreshed by their leaves, and comforted by the feeling i’m not running in a vacuum.
and, just like that– God showed me so much.
I understood how when i try to live my life my own way, be my own truth, what i am saying to the Lord is, “i want to run in the open. i reject what you want for me”– and, i truly felt so small. i thought i COULD live life that way. it wouldn’t change who God is– it would just change how i get to experience this world. i would be exposed to the things of life– with no shield, no comfort, no buffer.
instead, i get to live in His presence that stands strong like that tree line on either side of me. i am covered and refreshed by His Spirit– and, even though sometimes i forget, my life doesn’t happen in a vacuum– i am uniquely made for a purpose.
thank goodness God is right there with me while i’m on the path figuring that out!
this homeskillet life 
Hey Tracy, Just found your blog and I have to say wow. I will really have to check in on it often. I took the time to read several old posts and while you made me laugh you also made me cry. I love how you express things. Perfect!! thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am still smiling.
Beautiful. love you!
I just happen to stumble into your blog. I was looking at some Madea’s Big Happy Family pics and accidently typed the wrong word and got here….I was too nosey to just not read a little and I really enjoyed reading your message. It truly caught my upon the first sentence. OMG! and then when I saw your pictures, it truly went well with the prayer/story. Be encouraged to creatively continue writing like this…it’s wonderful.