okay. so, i haven’t had the best week. i’m pushing through feelings of inadequacy to share a truth about myself. i hate confrontation. if you’re reading this– and, you’re surprised my awesomeness can’t take a shake down– well, now you know. if you’re reading this– and, you always knew i was the equivalent of kentucky fried– i say, holla.
and, if you’re reading this– and, we’ve shared a scuffle– just know, in my head every word out of my mouth sounded like “BOK! BOK! BOK!”, and i was pretty close to losing my lunch.
i’ve gotten better with age, and i’ve learned a good offense is the best defense. i try to address sticky situations quickly and fess up to any weird feelings or vibes from the get go. i’m also okay with the prospect of everyone not being my friend. (i mean, i rock. and i’m totally cool to be around– but, if i geek you out it’s better if we don’t hang.)
but, here’s the thing. there are a few people in my life that i REALLY need to have a pow-wow with, but i am stone-cold chicken. just thinking about talking out old hurts or addressing the huge elephant in the room leaves me with hives and a headache. so, what do i do?
does this chicken cross the chasm of gross feelings and take on the elephant? is it worth the drama?
the answer is yes.
i’d rather get extensive dental work performed with limited drugs than have a face to face confrontation. but, i hate living a life half-full. i feel it goes against EVERYTHING i’m called to be.
i want to be a peace maker. i want to live in relationship– not a fake’nbake world where we walk along pretending everything is normal when nothing could be further from the truth.
so, here’s my prayer:
“dear Lord, de-chickenfy my spirit.. give me the strength to talk to the people that have hurt me. i confess i played a part in messing things up, my fear made me keep these people at arms length. please help me rebuild these broken relationships and help us accept each others’ differences. we may not be homeskillets, Lord, but we can at least be peeps.”