i need time alone– away from my kids, away from my hubs, away from my life. if i don’t get time alone my brain becomes overloaded and i find myself shrinking– screaming for a break.
it’s hard telling my boys (the big one and the two little ones) that sometimes i need to walk away (out) to breathe. i know sometimes it hurts them– and it’s hard for them to understand. after all– they just want to BE with me. they’re left behind wondering, “what’s wrong with that/them?”
the answer is NOTHING is wrong with that or them. the truth is– i feel small and challenged and broken because of what they show me about myself. my hubby and thing 1 &2 hold a mirror up– and sometimes i don’t like what i see. when i look at what i give them– i see not enough. i see struggle. i see selfishness– and, i get overwhelmed by the negative thoughts.
so, i choose to take a break– give myself a time-out — to catch my breath. to remember who i AM. i am a woman trying her best– seeking truth– and i am not perfect. i never will be. when it’s quiet– i’m okay with this. when it’s still– i know i’m a work in progress. i can forgive myself for stumbling through motherhood. i can be thankful for my hubby and see his unconditional love for me– even when i mess up. i can remember that i am more than the culmination of my stumbles and mistakes .
i need time alone to stop beating myself up– to sift the lies from the truth. in the end i know i’m the only one that can BE me (air guitar- rockin’, cupcake-filled, edward-lovin’ me)– and, being me isn’t that bad homeskillets. i LIKE myself– sometimes i just need a time-out to remember why.