mama needs a time out

i need time alone–  away from my kids, away from my hubs, away from my life.   if i don’t get time alone my brain becomes overloaded and i find myself shrinking– screaming for a break.

arrrrggghhhh!!!

it’s hard telling my boys (the big one and the two little ones) that sometimes i need to walk away (out) to breathe.  i know sometimes it hurts them–   and it’s hard for them to understand.  after all–  they just want to BE with me.  they’re left behind wondering, “what’s wrong with that/them?”

the answer is NOTHING is wrong with that or them.   the truth is–  i feel small and challenged and broken because of what they show me about myself.  my hubby and thing 1 &2 hold a mirror up–  and sometimes i don’t like what i see.  when i look at what i give them– i see not enough.  i see struggle.  i see selfishness– and, i get overwhelmed by the negative thoughts.

ahhhhhhhhhhh...........

so,  i choose to take a break– give myself a time-out — to catch my breath.  to remember who i AM.  i am a woman trying her best–  seeking truth–  and i am not perfect.  i never will be.  when it’s quiet–  i’m okay with this.  when it’s still–  i know i’m a work in progress.   i can forgive myself  for stumbling through motherhood.  i can be thankful for my hubby and see his unconditional love for me– even when i mess up.  i can remember that i am more than the culmination of my stumbles and mistakes .

i need time alone to stop beating myself up– to sift the lies from the truth.  in the end i know i’m the only one that can BE me (air guitar- rockin’, cupcake-filled, edward-lovin’ me)– and, being me isn’t that bad homeskillets.   i LIKE myself– sometimes i just need a time-out to remember why.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s