okay, confession time– prepare to be SHOCKED– i looooove to talk. (and all my peeps say, “DUH!!”) i never meet a stranger and have a tendency to share enormous amounts of personal information with very little prompting.
my hubby and i even have a name for this little quirk of mine– we call it “the stick up”– as in, some innocent person just politely asks me– “how are you”– and, an hour later they’ve learned about the deep anxiety i feel around my parents– because i’ll never be able to meet their standards, the inadequacy i feel as a mom– and how i plan to save for both the boys’ college tuition and their therapists– just to cover all my bases, and my daily frustrations with getting older– battling wrinkles, gray hair, and acne all at the same time! (what is up with that?!)
i realize this is not how normal conversations go– the response this person was looking for and expecting was “fine, how are you?” they already had their stock answer of “fine” cued up and ready– with the whole conversation taking 1.5 minutes– tops.
but, i truly can’t live that way. i see that as cheating. i really think if we walk around with the socially acceptable scripts in place and never dare to be uncomfortable and expose ourselves then we’ll never be known or truly experience an authentic life. i don’t know how to NOT tell the people around me what my struggles are– and, where i feel weak and vulnerable.
i admit living out “the stick up” method isn’t easy– there have been good and bad experiences. i’ve had my vulnerabilities used against me– my weaknesses used to make others feel important or better about themselves. it hurt, big time, and it made me realize those people could not be trusted with my heart. but, there are way more times my openness has led to great connection and honest sharing. those moments and conversations have led to some of the best and strongest relationships in my life.
so, i’ll stick with the great luther ingram and say– if sharing with my homeskillets is wrong– i don’t want to be right.