tension: can leave you weak or make you strong

as i sit here typing i have 2 boys (let’s just call them thing 1 and thing 2)  less than 5 feet away from me playing with a motorized train and i seriously just said the sentence, “uh, uh, uh do NOT drive the train on the wall.”

this train is my nemesis

needless to say… i’m a little tense.

these are the “sweet moments” i’ll look back on and cherish… right?  RIGHT??? (crickets– i hear crickets)

even though i’m grateful for the opportunity to be home with my boys and i know that these years are invaluable… i’m a little tense.  my skin feels too thin and my muscles are too tight… and when did the walls move in juuuuust enough claustrophobia has set in– i SWEAR the ceiling is lower than it was yesterday.

in these moments, hours, days, weeks— i realize the only thing i can do with the tension  is either learn from it and get stronger  or let it control me.

SOOOOOOOO… i. pray. A LOT.  and my prayer goes something like this :

“dear LORD are you sure you got the right girl for this gig??  i mean, i know you have a plan for me and it is for my good and not for my destruction, but they’re younger, quicker, and don’t need as much sleep.  i need you to step in and lift me up.   and,  can you also provide enough aspirin (a.k.a margarita) to knock out this monster headache and neck pain that began around 6 a.m. when i was abruptly awoken by the pleasant words,  HEY THAT’S MINE!!!  GIVE IT BACK!!! — i ask all these things in Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

as the day goes on the prayer may change slightly, but i continue to take my tension, stress, and anxiety to the Lord and lay it down.  and, low and behold i survive until 6:00 p.m. when my personal blessing walks through the door and thing 1 and thing 2 have a new victim to conquer… and that’s when i know there is a God!

thank you Lord for all the opportunities you give me through the day to seek you.  thank you for my boys who have humbled me and broken me so that i can see you more clearly.  and, thank you for my sweet husband that happily takes on this yoke and eases the daily burden of getting it as close to right as 2 flawed people can.

the boys are STILL less than 5 feet away and now a battle is brewing over a pair of night vision goggles… ahhhhhhhh, tension… by the time these two are grown i’ll be as strong as the brooklyn bridge!

"i can do all things through Christ who strenthens me"


3 thoughts on “tension: can leave you weak or make you strong

  1. your best effort yet (by a long shot), Jones.

    and, only partly because you called me “sweet” and your “personal blessing” (is there any other kind?). Wait a minute …. what are you after? It can’t be my money, because … hahahaha …. “my money” … I can’t even say it with a straight face.


  2. I am so glad I get smiles from Tracey while living so far away! I loved your prayer, and can totally relate! Also, love to hear you brag on your hubby, wish more moms would do that!

    Miss you,

  3. Heart you, heart your “personal blessing” and heart your “thing 1” & “thing 2″…now I heart your blog, too!

    Keep on praying, sister, He is using you for many a great thing 🙂 …

    PS: One day you’ll remember the kidlet battles as being “sooo sweet”. That’s what I keep telling myself…

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