well. another 4th of july without the boobah has come and gone. this one was bittersweet. bitter because it was the 2nd july 4th celebration without my sister, but sweet because i know next year at this time she’ll be home!!
erin is on her 2nd year of a 2 year sentence for aggravated vehicular assault. she caused an accident while driving drunk that seriously injured herself and 2 other people. since she’s been in prison i’ve wondered how much boobah has allowed God to change her, i’ve wondered how much she’s allowed the reality that life is DIFFERENT now, sink into her heart, and i’ve wondered how often she’s sought God’s will for her life, after her sentence is complete.
this is how i’ve thought about prison, God, and my sister before the Lord sent me to haiti.
now i know how limited and narrow these thoughts have been.
see. while i was in Haiti i thought about boobah a lot. she helped fund my trip by sending me a $25 money order from prison. before i left for the trip, she sent me letters encouraging me to not be afraid. she also called me the week before haiti, and the first thing she asked was, “are you so excited about your trip??!”
how do i show enough gratitude for being loved like that? how do i thank erin, who has no freedom, for helping and encouraging me to take a chance– to spread my wings? i don’t know.
i just know she blows me away with her awesome heart. so i thank God for giving it to her– her heart, her unbreakable spirit, her amazing love.
THANK YOU, GOD.
i’ll let you in on an obvious truth– she’s the cooler sister. i’ve known it for a long time. and, that’s why i miss her sooooooooo much.
so. there i was in haiti thinking about my sister and how amazing she is to give me this chance to serve. i mean, He used my boobah– in prison– to get me where i needed to be.
God is amazing, homeskillets. He truly is.
He used haiti to help me see my sister, freedom, and His love in a new way.
i now realize freedom is a very subjective thing. i mean, is a person behind bars trapped or free? is a person dropped into a new country, a new culture, with no skills trapped or free? God taught me in six days it all depends on Him.
see. in haiti, i was led by the rules of the trip. i woke up when i was told to wake up. i ate breakfast when i was told breakfast was served. i got on the bus and rode to the work site, walked the path to the site, and worked when i was told it was time to work. i stopped for lunch and ate what was provided. i packed up and went to the orphanage, when i was told it was time to go. dinner came like clockwork every day, along with worship time, and time to reflect on the day’s events. i didn’t get a shower until all of this was done. i got to live 6 days putting myself last– after God had been fully served with all i could give.
and i’ve never felt freer. i truly had no regrets for 6 days. this is HUGE for me. i have a tendency to over think ERRRTHING– and, i always think there’s room to be better. so, to not want to change anything about how i spent my time for 6 straight days was a gift from God.
i thought about erin. i thought how God was so kind to help me understand in some very small way what boobah must be experiencing in prison. her days are not her own. she can do nothing without permission. her life is planned down to the millisecond everyday. yet, she has not let that break her sweet heart or her amazing spirit– because God is at the center of it. God is making beauty out of her mistake and showing her a freedom she never experienced before. in prison, she’s finding freedom because she has finally submitted herself to Him.
i got to talk to erin on the 4th of july. i apologized for my obnoxious worry that has been filled with her “choosing” change. i told her i wasn’t worried about her future anymore or how she was processing everything that had happened– because God taught me in haiti that He does all the work. while on the trip, He used every moment and filled my days with service, obedience, humility, brokenness, and love. i truly did nothing for myself until His work was finished for the day.
i thank God for using haiti and prison to teach me that in serving time with Him, whether just 6 days or 2 years, there is freedom.